Somehow or another, I became that mom that couldn't wait for daddy to handle the disciplining. I quickly took it upon myself to do it all on my on. Please note the "I took it upon myself" part. Trust me, my husband had nothing to do with my becoming the family dictator...aka the Momtator.
Much like many of the Momtators before me, I was born with a need to control my household. Nevermind the fact that it's against God's will. Nevermind that I know that the kids know my husband really doesn't always have the best of hearing which allows them a few extra slip-of-the-tongues in his presence than in mine (which implied in my mind that I am stealthier and know more than my husband does...WRONG). Nevermind that I received a GREAT parenting education from my actual parents but chose to follow guidelines set by Dr. Phil and Parenting Magazing instead. I just kept on Momtating and before I knew it, my empire was collapsing.
In just a matter of months, I watched as my sweet little babies became way too much for me to handle on my own. My kingdom was in trouble! They weren't running loose on the streets screaming profanities and pillaging villages, but when you're a Momtator on the verge of losing control, every little offense commited on your watch can feel as bad as the worst of offenses. I reached my breaking point and finally, after much prayer and many come-to-Jesus moments, I decided to relinquish my title and give my husband's back to him.
Drew was so good for letting me get that out of my system, too. Now don't get me wrong. He is a Christian husband and father, so he was persistant on reminding me that my system would probably fail and why, but he allowed me to learn on my own. And sometimes that's just what we need. Ladies, there's a reason the man is supposed to be the head of the househould. Sure, we may spend the most time with the children, and we may know what they're about to do before they can even dream it up, but we were not created to dictate! We were created to assist, while the fathers were created to guide lead.
After I reached my breaking point and fessed up to Drew that I didn't want to be that kind of mom anymore, he presented to me a brilliant parenting plan. I'm still wondering how long he had sat on it, waiting for me to ask for help!
In that moment, we threw out the Momtatorship, and created a democracy. Our boys, Dylan and Connor, were going to be consulted about and then presented with rules and regulations, and a clear idea of what punishment they'd recieve should they fail to oblige. The same goes for me and Drew...er, President Dad and First Lady Mom. It's good we're held accountable, too, because 1) It's only fair and 2) It will hopefully supress another emergence of the evil Momtator. Our Constituition is perfect...it's so obvious my husband is in the military and majored in military history. We made a big to-do out of the signing of the constitution, too. Everyone gathered at the kitchen table and we discussed it in depth, then the kids were asked to sign (Connor, a little more reluctantly than Dylan), and then it was a done deal! We still pray on it every day, but so far it seems to be working. It's especially funny to hear the boys calling us out on our on defaults! And let's be honest, my new gig as First Lady isn't so bad either. I get to help my husband and find reward in being his support....and if I've learned anything about American First Ladies, I get to buy a kick-butt wardrobe now, too, correct? :)
So here it is, The Constitution of Expectations:
In case that's too difficult to read, this is what our constitution says...try not to laugh!
Much like many of the Momtators before me, I was born with a need to control my household. Nevermind the fact that it's against God's will. Nevermind that I know that the kids know my husband really doesn't always have the best of hearing which allows them a few extra slip-of-the-tongues in his presence than in mine (which implied in my mind that I am stealthier and know more than my husband does...WRONG). Nevermind that I received a GREAT parenting education from my actual parents but chose to follow guidelines set by Dr. Phil and Parenting Magazing instead. I just kept on Momtating and before I knew it, my empire was collapsing.
In just a matter of months, I watched as my sweet little babies became way too much for me to handle on my own. My kingdom was in trouble! They weren't running loose on the streets screaming profanities and pillaging villages, but when you're a Momtator on the verge of losing control, every little offense commited on your watch can feel as bad as the worst of offenses. I reached my breaking point and finally, after much prayer and many come-to-Jesus moments, I decided to relinquish my title and give my husband's back to him.
Drew was so good for letting me get that out of my system, too. Now don't get me wrong. He is a Christian husband and father, so he was persistant on reminding me that my system would probably fail and why, but he allowed me to learn on my own. And sometimes that's just what we need. Ladies, there's a reason the man is supposed to be the head of the househould. Sure, we may spend the most time with the children, and we may know what they're about to do before they can even dream it up, but we were not created to dictate! We were created to assist, while the fathers were created to guide lead.
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| Discussing the Constitution |
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| Drew demonstrating how NOT to behave in accordance to the no-drama-when-frustrated-clause. Cute, isn't he? ;) |
In that moment, we threw out the Momtatorship, and created a democracy. Our boys, Dylan and Connor, were going to be consulted about and then presented with rules and regulations, and a clear idea of what punishment they'd recieve should they fail to oblige. The same goes for me and Drew...er, President Dad and First Lady Mom. It's good we're held accountable, too, because 1) It's only fair and 2) It will hopefully supress another emergence of the evil Momtator. Our Constituition is perfect...it's so obvious my husband is in the military and majored in military history. We made a big to-do out of the signing of the constitution, too. Everyone gathered at the kitchen table and we discussed it in depth, then the kids were asked to sign (Connor, a little more reluctantly than Dylan), and then it was a done deal! We still pray on it every day, but so far it seems to be working. It's especially funny to hear the boys calling us out on our on defaults! And let's be honest, my new gig as First Lady isn't so bad either. I get to help my husband and find reward in being his support....and if I've learned anything about American First Ladies, I get to buy a kick-butt wardrobe now, too, correct? :)
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| Connor acting very American and expressing his opinion about the no-smacking-at-the-table clause. |
So here it is, The Constitution of Expectations:
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| It's official.. We're all hereby protected AND acountable. |
In case that's too difficult to read, this is what our constitution says...try not to laugh!
Constitution of Expectations
We the people of the Household Walters, in order to providea more perfect home life, free from domestic troubles, sibling disputes, andlessening the need for excessive parental supervision do ordain and establishthis Constitution of Expectations.
Section 1. Allassignments of the written and academic nature, hereafter referred to as“homework”, bestowed upon the citizen by a higher authority, hereafter referredto as “teacher”, will be done in a timely manner and free of complaints ordramatic actions to include, but not limited to: rolling of the eyes,mock-executions or flailings, and/or drawing upon the workspace images ofdestruction or blatant and gratuitous violence.
Failure to comply will result in the loss ofprivileges pertaining to electronic devices such as television, computer, videogame consoles, iPod touch, or any other highly addictive electronic medium notyet invented from now until the end of time. For each infraction of the DramaClause, the guilty party will suffer a fifteen-minute loss of electronic media.Resumption of aforementioned privileges will be granted upon successfulcompletion of homework and the additional time penalties.
Section 2. Assignmentswill be correctly recorded while at school in the allotted time granted by theclass teacher. If assignments are not written down and the deceptive action isdiscovered, a penalty shall be applied in which the assignment will beeffectively doubled.
Section 3. Uponcompletion of homework, rewards shall be granted in the form of usage of adesired electronic device or the standard version of playtime as utilized inthe days of old prior to the invention of electricity.
Thephrase “completion of homework” includes any assigned readings, periods of timestudying in preparation for examinations, or any additional exercises assignedby a teacher or parent. Any exercises assigned by a parent will be done so atthe discretion of the parent and only implemented if the collective examinationscores, hereafter referred to as “grades” or “average”, falls to an undesirableand/or unacceptable level.
Section 4. Onceestablished, there will be no negotiating or bartering toward the goal ofreducing or avoiding aforementioned assignments. A break in this clause willresult in an additional fifteen-minute time penalty for electronic media.
ArticleII
Section 1. Allcitizens of the realm are expected to conduct themselves in a civil and moralmanner along the Judeo-Christian ideals of acceptable behavior. Sons will grantproper respect parents, as is written in Ephesians. Parents will not provokechildren to wrath, as is recorded in Colossians. Violations of the non-respectclause will be handled on a case-by-case basis. Examples of punishment will be alongthe lines of restriction from electronic devices as outlined in Article I.
Section 2. Dataomnia venia ~ Proper levels of Respect will be granted to all teachers,principals, and any other authoritative figures placed above the citizen.
Section 3. Whena teacher begins instruction, full attention will be granted. When assignmentsare bestowed upon the citizen, both those designated to be completed duringclass time and those labeled “homework” as outlined in Article I, Section 1,the citizen shall record the assignment in a book of notes, or “notebook”,specially designated for the recording of guided coursework. Violations of thiswill be unleashed in the manner outlined in Article I, Section 2.
Section 4. Anyindication of untruthfulness in speech, dishonesty, or any blatant deception,hereafter referred to collectively as “lying”, shall be considered to beunlawful behavior and will not be tolerated under any circumstance. A firstoffense will be met with a loss of electronic privileges for the day. A secondoffense within the same one-week period will result in a two-day restrictionfrom electronic devices. Further infractions shall be thus handledcumulatively.
Section 5. Thesmacking of the lips whilst in the process of dining shall be considered anunlawful act. Likewise, any attempt of verbal communication when the mouth isotherwise engaged to its fullest capacity with consumable products is strictlyprohibited. A verbal warning may be directed to the offending party upon aninitial offense. Non-compliance shall result in a reduced portion of thepost-evening delicacy. The consequence of repeated violations shall be acomplete forfeiture.
Section 6. Provocationof a physical altercation amongst peers is unacceptable behavior. Unless underthe direst of circumstances, such as the threat of a physical attack by anaggressor or in the defense of one’s self, sibling, or another family member,combat or any form of exploitation of another will be dealt with severely byPresident Dad, whom shall be the purveyor of corporal punishment in the form ofa plethora of violence upon the backside of the offending party.
ArticleIII
Section 1. Additionalduties shall be performed around the living space. A chart for the varioushomely duties will be posted in the form of a “chore chart”. Upon completion ofeach duty, a mark, hereafter referred to as a “sticker”, will be placed uponthe chart to signify a completed task. With the conclusion of the week, thecitizen’s marks shall be tallied and the appropriate reward will be bestowed.The monetary value of such a reward will be prominently displayed on the chorechart.
Section 2. Thepersonal space of a citizen, hereafter referred to as a “room”, will be kepttidy or, upon the condition that it becomes untidy, be returned to a tidy stateprior to the evening slumber period. It shall be noted that “room” refers tothe area surrounding the nocturnal lounging apparatus, hereafter referred to asa “bed”, as well as the adjoining area designed for the removal of human waste.“Tidy” refers to the area being in a condition free of clutter, which wouldallow for the ease of scrub-cleaning, including vacuuming, or dusting to beperformed by the female parental unit.
Section 3. Immediatelyfollowing meals, the dining area utilized by the citizen shall be thoroughlycleaned to include the removal of dirty dishes to the kitchen sink. Uneatenportions of the consumable still remaining upon the plate will be disposed ofin an appropriate trash receptacle. Any uneaten consumable fragments, or“crumbs”, that litter the dining table need to be wiped away from the dinnertable and into the trash receptacle.
Section 4. Thebed shall be returned to its pre-used condition, or “made”, prior to themorning departure for school.
ArticleIV
Corporal Punishment shall be conferred upon anoffending citizen by President Dad in the severest of circumstances such aswhen it becomes apparent that previous punishments have become ineffective. Acitizen who becomes unruly and unresponsive to restriction of electronic mediaor social outlets shall be dealt with in the form as laid out in Article II,Section 5.
ArticleV
Whenin the course of human events it is deemed necessary, all parties bound withinthis document shall propose and pass Amendments to this Constitution. SuchAmendments will be made into and upheld as an equal part within the whole ofWalters Law.
Coraut mors
